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From the outside looking in, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, had it all. According to Goodhousekeeping Kate Spade had an estimated net worth of $150 million in 2018, and Anthony Bourdain was also doing very well with a net worth of about $16 million.
Both celebrities had wildly successful careers doing what they loved. Spade, was an industry leader in fashion who built a household brand, best known for her line of designer handbags. Likewise, Bourdain introduced us to his love of food and travel, while sharing the untold stories of amazing people and places each week on CNN.
So, what happened?
It’s hard for us to wrap our minds around suicide – especially when their lives seemed great.
Secret Battles
None of us can know what a person is battling in secret. Sometimes, guilt, heartache, fear, and rejection may feel so real, that it also seems inescapable.
Bourdain never hid his ongoing struggle with depression, and drug addiction.
In his bestselling novel, Kitchen Confidential, Bourdain described his fast paced life being a celebrity chef and all the drug use that came with it. Spade also struggled with similar problems. According to a People Magazine article, Spade struggled with anxiety and depression for years. Spade’s husband confirmed she was seeking help for her mental illness, but the two had been living apart for ten months – although not formally separated.
Life Under a Microscope
I imagine these secret struggles are amplified by fame. Where as many of us can suffer a hardship and get through it – without the world knowing or critiquing; that’s the luxury celebrities don’t have. Everything they say and do is picked apart and analyzed. One small misstep or off-the-cuff remark can become a catastrophe that not only affects them emotionally, but may have major implications for their businesses and brand moving forward.
This in essence becomes the trap. So much of what celebrities do rests upon likability, that it prevents them from telling someone they’re in crisis. Instead of being totally transparent about what’s happening, they’ll think, “How might this be used against me?” That question prevents them from getting help. They may try to find peace in other ways, but question if it can ever truly be found.
So, what can we do as outsiders looking in?
Show Compassion
It may be hard to fathom how people with so much money can have problems at all. But we all know money doesn’t solve everything. Sometimes the hardest fought battles are internal, which no amount of money can repair.
Furthermore, it’s not that celebrities don’t have problems…they’re just different problems.
Staking your livelihood on trends, likability, popularity, keeping people’s interest, and materialism is ultimately unfulfilling, and celebrities find out fast and hard. In many ways, you can become “famous” without people really knowing or caring about who you are. To many people, Kate Spade may have been the “hand bag designer” or Anthony Bourdain, “the traveling food guy”, but not much else.
I remember when Princess Diana died in the car crash and how photographers rushed to the scene – not to help, but to snatch photos that could potentially make them rich.
In a way celebrities end up becoming characters – just people on TV, and it can be easily forgotten that these are actually real people, going through life just as we are. While they have significant advantages, advantages can be lost and it doesn’t always mean they’ll win. The point is, they experience pain just as we do but their pain is exploitable.
Anyone can comment and share without ever really caring about the person at the center. So, before we comment or make a video go viral, let’s take a moment to think about the impact of our words and actions. Are we trying to be part of the solution – by sharing useful, uplifting, or motivating information? Or might we be part of the problem?
Don’t Envy Anyone…
Never envy what another person has. We may look at celebrities and think, “I really, really want what they have…”
But…Do you, really?
The Bible specifically warns against coveting those things that are not yours. It makes sense, for two very important reasons:
1) We really don’t know what it took for that person to have what they’ve acquired. We don’t know what they sacrificed, or participated in to achieve that success. You must consider all that comes with it – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
2) God has a purposeful plan for you! So, why want what someone else has when that’s not what God has planned for you – at least not yet?
Put Things into Perspective
This one is for all of us. Whether you’re rich, or poor, famous or not, one thing remains true… We each have a life to live, a purpose for living, and we all matter.
I don’t know a single person who has never made a mistake, failed, experienced hurt, cried, been embarrassed or ashamed, or bled. We can choose to constantly live with hurt, or accept another truth:
Yes, all of this will happen again, BUT…we’ll get through it…again.
I believe peace comes with this understanding.
We can also say, since I know what it feels like to experience all those things, “I’m not going to intentionally do any of that to someone else.” In fact, you can re-purpose your life around helping others. That also puts things into perspective.
Knowing that bad things will happen, but also knowing we are never alone in anything (someone has gone through it before, is going through it, or is going through something much worse), helps us to see that we too will get through this. One of the best ways to get through pain is to take the focus off you for a while. Rest your mind by helping someone in need. It will show you that you actually matter, and by helping others, you’ll appreciate what you do have and not just what you’re lacking.
What can we learn?
The suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain are sad reminders that no matter your position in life we all go through incredibly tough times – but their fate doesn’t have to be yours or someone you know. If you know in your heart you’ve been thinking about hurting yourself – forget what others might think or say and talk to someone! Call 1-800-273-8255, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, and let it all out. Please don’t suffer in silence and please don’t make a permanent choice for a temporary problem. If this is not your case, but get the feeling that someone you’re close to has been withdrawn or something doesn’t seem right, reach out. That might be the call they needed and the first step to turning things around.
