Unpopular opinion: Your Friends and Family Aren’t Your Customers

A member of a Christian author’s group I joined expressed disappointment with the lack of overall support she’s gotten from her friends and family. She confessed to expecting much more from them and was somewhat blindsided by their disinterest in her book.  While I understood her frustration, my feelings were a bit different.

I offered the following advice to her – and to my surprise, it was very well received. I thought it would be best to turn it into a blog post for other writers.

First, Understand the Magnitude of What You’re Writing – Not Everyone is Ready

As a Christian writer your work carries a greater purpose. It’s not just for entertainment value. I imagine that there’s a deeper message you want the reader to understand about the importance of our faith. Truthfully, not everyone is ready to receive that message…at least not yet.

It’s for this reason, I say, Christian books find the hands ready to receive them. I couldn’t tell you the number of faith-based and inspirational books I was given that I didn’t read until years later. They just collected dust on a shelf – mainly because I wasn’t interested at the time. However, when I was ready to read, and when my heart was open to learning more about my faith, I knew exactly where to go. Sometimes, it’s as simple as letting people know where to find your work when they’re ready for it.

Not having the Initial Support of Your Friends and Family Helps Build a True Following

Let’s face it, sometimes people will just buy your books because they know and love you (thanks, mom!). Don’t get me wrong – that’s great, but unless they’re actively reading and engaging with your material, it’s hard to know if they truly like your work – or just being the beautiful supportive family and friends that’s helped you with everything else in life.

The silver lining to having a lack of support with your writing among those closest to you is the ability to gauge how others really feel about your work.  If your following is primarily comprised of your family and friends, it’s hard to know for sure.

In my case, my first book, “Spiritual Warfare” broke the top 100 on Amazon’s Bestsellers list multiple times – including holding the #3 or #4 spot for a few days. Since I have a rough estimate of who among my family and friends purchased my book and when, I know that their contribution alone did not make that possible. However, it was my community of followers on social media – over 13,000 people, that helped me hit that goal. I refer to those that support my work as a community, because that’s how I truly see them. It’s a two way street. We learn from each other. We help each other. I’ve chatted with many of them, prayed for many of them, and I make it a point to consistently share important news from around the world that mainstream media doesn’t talk about with them.

So, when I receive unexpected praise from strangers like, “You’re one helluva novelist” or “the book was great! Read it in 2 days!” It lets me know for sure, it’s not all in vain. God had a plan, and I’m heading in the right direction. Most importantly, people beyond my network are paying attention.

Your friends and family aren’t your customers

Have you ever been invited to a “network marketing meeting”?  For some reason, I’m like a magnet for those things! The meetings are always cryptic and unnecessarily long, and at some point you’ll likely hear a pitch that sounds something like this:

“Hey Friiieeeend! You know I’m an independent business owner, right? You’re my friend, soooo give me $400.00 RIGHT NOW or else that means you’re really NOT my friend and you never supported me!”

Whoooaaa! Calm it down with the high-pressure sales tactics! Me choosing not to support this particular venture just means I don’t have $400.00. And that I don’t want to sell random stuff!

Selling books to the people closest to you can be viewed similarly – although far less expensive. Maybe all your friends aren’t chomping at the bit to read Christian fiction. It might also be possible that they don’t have $3.99 for an ebook (they probably do, but not $3.99 for YOUR ebook).

Guess what…that’s fine too.

They’re still going to be your family and I hope would still be your friends. They may not be customers, but they can show support in many other ways without investing a penny. Ask them to share posts you create online, retweet, or simply “like” your page. They can hand out a few of your book fliers or business cards. They can request your book at local bookstores, forward your newsletters, come to a book signing, etc. There are hundreds of ways friends and family can support – without purchasing your book.

Treat the Friends and Family that do Become Customers as Bonus Blessings

I really don’t like to talk about myself or what I’m doing. So, when I did briefly mention to a few friends that my book would be published, there were a small few that said this:

“That’s awesome, Candace! Where can I get it?”

These people I consider bonus blessings. It wasn’t many of them, but it was just enough to make me feel encouraged about what I was doing. Most importantly, the feedback they provided was constructive, heartfelt, and motivating.

See, you don’t need many people like that, you just need a few. These people become your confidants and part of your support system as you continue the hard work of being a writer. Make sure you remember them. I know every single one.

The others will likely come around

Sometimes people just have to see that you’re doing well first before they throw support your way. It sounds a bit unfair since you need support now – not later, but it actually makes sense.

We all know at least a dozen people selling something. Some of them you never hear from until they want you to buy a product or do something for them. Some folks have dealt with this disingenuous behavior for so long, that they become totally turned off and worn out by another request – I get that.

The other reason may just be that these people are too close to you, and only see you one way. Relatives you want to purchase a book might still have a picture of you smearing cake on your face at your first birthday party, or some people may have known you as the kid in detention all the time, or the quiet girl at work. Now you’re a published author??? No way! Sometimes, it’s just too unbelievable and it literally becomes a “let me see it, to believe it” scenario.

These people aren’t interested in hearing from YOU that you’re a published author, they want to hear it from someone else.  That’s fine…they will. Once they have confidence in you, they’ll likely support your work then.

So, what’s the final word on all this? Remember:

• Your friends and family are NOT your customers
• If they buy your book treat it as a bonus blessing
• Ask for their support in other ways – sharing posts, passing out a few of your cards to their network, etc.
• Build your own unique following and the others will likely come around

I hope this article helped! Do you know other authors lacking support from their circle? Share this post with them! Also, make sure you check out “Spiritual Warfare”! Book 2, “Spiritual Warfare: Rise to Power” is coming soon! Believe me…you DON’T want to miss it!